Friday, April 29, 2011

Disappointing Gay Best Friend

Sometimes, when I have intense, internal debates with myself about Britney (is she an unhappy robot or a triumphant revolutionary comeback queen and what the hell is up with her extensions and the mystery of the disappearing dancing awesomeness? Please come back, dancing!) or Lady Gaga (activist and/or corporate pawn and/or is it okay to just be getting bored with her?)--when I listen to my favorite band, snuggle with my favorite TV show, or read my favorite book--I wonder why God didn't just finish the job properly and make me a gay man. If I were to be born a man, my mother was seriously considering naming me Percy, and no power on earth will ever convince me that slim, bookish, effete Percy Derwyn Wepre Owen would not have been the gayest gay man that ever gayed a gay.

If I ever work up the courage or figure out how to work a scanner, I'll scan in my eighth grade school picture: I was rocking a very short haircut at the time, and it gives you a pretty good sense of what ol' Percy "Easy O" would have been like. Because I have a long neck and big eyes, my friends referred to this picture as "the newt picture," because they are sweethearts. I sort of looked like this, only unattractive rather than attractive (reason #4 million for my affection for Jensen Ackles: similar hair and sartorial errors in the nineties. Of course, as I stated, Jensen Ackles is hot like burning, and I am more along the lines of You Would Look Pretty If You Smiled More! But still!)

But then, when I start thinking things like the above paragraphs (OMG I SHOULD BE A GAY MAN TEE HEE) I get really annoyed with myself. Because I sort of hate how women act about gay men sometimes: that gay men are around for our amusement, or should automatically be our "gay husbands," or that all gay men are feminized and/or like stereotypically "gay" things. Gay men aren't our cute little poodle pets to put in our purses, people. That shit bugs me.

So I was delighted to find this the other day: Disappointing Gay Best Friend. Both actors just nail it; it's amazing.

On Gaga:

This is my favorite:

And, truthfully, Percy Owen would probably be a Disappointing Alternative Gay Self:

Oh, God, I WORE A HEADBAND LIKE THIS LAST NIGHT. Close to the bone, baby:

Goin' out! (to roller skate and then karaoke):

And I hadn't even seen this one when I made the comments about purse puppies above!:

Basically my reaction to musicals:

Sometimes shopping with me is a little like this:

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