Narcissism Will Save You When You Forget Things

I was invited to two parties last night: this is a situation that sounds awesome in theory, but is stressful in actuality. Inevitably a) at the first party, I'm worried I'll be too late for the next party/if it's worth it to leave and go to the next party; b) at the second party, I'm worried that I left the first party too early and seemed rude. You always end up wishing you could switch the order you attended them in, or that you'd stayed at one party longer than you did. 

There was an added challenge to the this one, as one party was a costume party (come dressed as a character from a Quentin Tarantino movie) and one wasn't. So I had to manage two outfits. And clearly the costume party had to come second -- so at least that decision was pretty simple. 


I once tried to be Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction for Halloween, because the basic costume (white dress shirt and black leggings) is so freakin' easy.

However, I left wig-buying till the last minute and all the black wigs were sold out at the costume store -- I could only find a long red wig. So I didn't look much like Mia Wallace at all. I was like some weird Little Mermaid/Mia Wallace hybrid.

This time, I decided to redeem myself and actually buy a black wig. Plus, I figured the Mia Wallace costume was easy to change into; I'd wear leggings under a skirt for the first party, and bring the wig and white dress shirt in the car. Then I could pop on the wig and change easily in the car, simply shedding the skirt and sliding on the dress shirt. It was kind of a fun idea -- changing identities mid-evening! Like a spy or something! 

Because I'm a big ol' narcissist, I decided to document both costumes before I left for the evening:

Look at me! I look normal and hopefully respectable! 

Boom! Secret identity!

Awesome Things My Next Blog Post Will Include

Received a text from Jason, saying, "Also stop reading this text and update your damn blog, slacker. Surely you could post about the wedding! Or weddings in general!"

I have indeed been to TWO awesome weddings recently. And I do have a long blog entry planned, which will include many awesome things: recipes, my ex-vegetarian back story, thoughts on leather jackets, bacon cupcakes, Julia Gazdag, who I met at the Portland wedding and who writes for Hello Giggles, which Pamela Ribon whom I have stalked written about writes for omg world so small etc etc etc. and more!

That's right. Bacon cupcakes:

But right now I'm busy blah blah blah grading book reviews novel revisions articles about weddings interviews etc etc etc. It's not like I'm sitting around in a Twilight t-shirt putting a Storm Trooper helmet on my head.

Oh wait.

We Have A Winner!

Okay, so "The Time that the Apple Company Accused Me of Peeing on My Computer" won decisively, which was to be expected--I mean, the title is just so weird.

I think the only reason I was hesitant to post that story was because I'd told that story in person so many times. If you were a friend of mine who lived in Minneapolis around 2007-2008, you not only had to live through stages of the story with me, but you got to hear the story, like, more times than you probably wanted to. But but but! There are others out there who haven't heard it! AND SO I WILL TELL AGAIN AND HOPEFULLY TELL WELL.

But I want to put a decent amount of energy into the post (yes, the story involves urine--well, no, actually, the story involves no urine that I knew about, ONLY THE ACCUSATION OF URINE) but to give you the full context would probably take awhile, although the punchline is sort of spoiled in the title.

And right now I am sick. "I'll baby-sit your sick child!" I said. "I never get sick!" I said. "Okay, I'm sick, I can still do stuff!" I said. "I'll just take some cold medicine!" I said. "I can still drink!" I said.

This cold or whatever it is--it's the Terminator of colds. It's the Terminator paparazzi robots in Britney Spear's "I Wanna Go" video: