Back in the holidays, me n' the roomie had a Holiday Party. The theme was, bring any weird food or drink that your family always makes around the Holidays. Like, is there a certain jello salad your grandma always makes? Bring it!
Before the party, I got a few anxious queries about what constituted "weird." Like, what if the offering was not weird enough? To which the answer was, anything is welcome! Weird and non-weird alike.
We went shopping for decorations at the dollar store and fortunately we did not get too carried away:
There was lots to enjoy at the dollar store, including The Worst Holiday Ornament of All Time:
COME ON. THAT IS A CIRCLE. Barely covered in glitter. IT'S A CIRCLE. A CIRCLE! There's no design! YOU PUT GLITTER ON A SPARE PART! Some factory in China made too many parts for like a washing machine and figured, hey: glitter! Now it's an ornament! Even for a dollar store, that's weak sauce.
Speaking of scary cheap parts, we bought some festively colored plates at the dollar store, only to come home and realize that they had a sticker on them reading: DO NOT SERVE FOOD. PAINT IS POISONOUS.
So a plate. That you're not supposed to serve food on. Because it might kill you. Festive!
But we decorated the apartment in (hopefully) non-poisonous wares; my roomie had the brilliant notion of wrapping-paper-ing our doors; I've steadfastly refused to take this down from my bathroom:
It's festive AND patriotic! It's timeless!
We bought some Holiday Milk, which promised to be a combination of milk and red velvet cupcakes. It should have delicious, but turned out to be hideously sweet. And when I say something is hideously sweet, you know it's bad:
I mean, I made up little bowls of these for the party:
And the holiday milk was too much for me.
We made various Sort of Traditional Holiday dishes, like Pineapple slices and candied cherries:
I made Snickers Salad, which is not a tradition for me personally, but which had been made for me by various Midwesterners who SWEAR that this is eaten in the Midwest as a salad. Like, you still have dessert. With your salad:
She also mentioned that it was also a holiday tradition in her family to eat pickled herring (we eat that, too) and pickled pigs' feet (we do not eat that, too). And then someone brought pickled pigs' feet! (IS THIS APOSTROPHE NECESSARY? I CAN'T HELP ADDING IT -- I'M SORRY).
Although there was meat (meatballs, in fact), there was also a vegan Rice Krispie Snowman (um, it turns out vegan marshmallow fluff is amazing? I swear to you. It comes in jars, you don't have to melt it, and it tastes better than regular ol' marshmallows) and Vegan Jello Shots:
We drank from Snowballs:
And I made holiday-themed cupcakes (that's fluffy vanilla frosting and candied cherries on top, all store-bought, sadly, though...um, hand-assembled?):
But there's a secret hiding inside these cupcakes. Want to know what it is? It's that these cupcakes are:
The party was great, although there always some fucking hipsters that show up and think they're better than everyone else:
Of course, I think my dad thinks I'm kind of like that, because when he and my mom showed up, he took one look at the pinneapple slices and marshmallow fluff and said, "Laura, I think you have an over-developed sense of irony."
Gee, I wonder whose fault that is? Given that this is what my parents brought to the party:
At least I hope that was irony.