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Saturday, September 5, 2009

More Deep Thoughts About Important Things

Yes, I teach impressionable young-ish minds, and theoretically write books and other literary-type things, but there's something important you should know about me, and that is that I'm completely obsessed with the legendary Ms. Britney Spears.

I've been "outing" myself more and more recently, so this won't be news to most of you...I have long, complicated thoughts and theories about why I love Ms. Britney so much, and that's matter for another day. It has a lot to do, as most pop culture obsessions do, with growing up in the particular cultural moment that I have, and the fact that Britney, as a celebrity, has come to mean and stand for lots of things, both to the culture and to me personally. To explain my complicated feelings -- which in the past, have consisted of envy, disgust, admiration, morbid fascination, schandenfreude, pity, admiration, frustration, and now mostly consist of "You go, girl!" -- would take a long time and involve sharing lots of complicated stuff about myself.

So for now, I'll just explain what I love about the following clip from a Britney concert.

1) The fact that, a few days ago, feeling grumpy and stressed, I decided that the ONLY thing that would make me feel better would be to watch Britney dance to "Toxic."

2) The fact that, at first, seeing the midriff baring and tight bright pants, I was like, "Oh an old Britney clip" only to realize that in fact this is from her concert like LAST WEEK. This is CURRENT Britney, people. AMAZING! She's looks great!

3) The fact that she STILL wears freaking midriff tops CONSTANTLY despite the fact that the fad has long past and that, although she's got a nice tummy these days, it's not the scary-buff abs of yore. It's like she's stuck a little in 1999, which is both sweet and sad.

4) But, snideness aside, her abs and body do look great. She jumps all around and there's NO BOUNCING of her tummy. It's all muscle. I shudder to think what would happen if I jumped around in a midriff-baring shirt, under bright lights, no less. Lord.

5) OH MY GOD SHE'S WEARING GLASSES! Girl is dancing in glasses! And has to adjust them during the routine. It might be the cutest thing ever.

6) Her TERRIBLE hair. This makes me feel so bad for Britney. Girl has no hair! She's dyed it so much and had so many extensions that she has very little real hair left. And despite being a millionaire many times over, her weaves almost always look ratty. But I kind of love that. Do you know how long it takes to sit in a stupid chair and get all those extensions put in? I might be like, "Fuck it, I'm putting in a sloppy bun," too. And I absolutely would have shaved my head, too. Am I the only one to whom that particular piece of Britney-madness made complete sense? YEARS of painful dye and extensions and wigs that have WRECKED your hair and EVERYONE makes fun of you about it. I'd buzz it off during a divorce, too. For realz.

7) Her dancing! Maybe not up to prime-of-Britney, but energetic and she looks like she's having fun.

8) The fact that Britney inspires me to dance and to have to fun with it. Yes, that's super-cheesy, I know. But true. And I'm not alone. There's a documentary called "How Britney Spears Saved My Life." Seriously. I wouldn't go that far, but I think it's sweet. Even the filmmaker was a convert.

Do your thing, Britney:

And, if you feel like, Get Naked:

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